Willena Flewelling, Alberta Canada

[Willena Flewelling]

CHAPTER 15 – Outwitting the Ghosts of Fear

I could make a long list of "IFs" that hold me back, or have done in the past.
IF I had money... IF I were not so fat... IF I had the personality of some people...
to name a few. But the one that stands out most to me right now is this one:

IF nothing happens to stop me.

Those are Victim Words. Of course things happen that are beyond my control...
it's called LIFE. But nothing has the power to stop me from achieving my goals
except my own thoughts. Those words reveal what I now see as my biggest
challenge.

Fear of Commitment.

I know I am afraid to make a commitment to anything these days. I don’t know
if I take on too much, or if I’m lazy, or what is behind all the partially finished
tasks and projects littering the trail of my life.

I know I am loathe to make any kind of commitment to the church, or commit
to praying for anyone in particular, or to follow a particular program to lose
weight.

And I know that AT ALL COST, I don’t want to make a commitment and fail to
follow through on it. Better not to make the commitment in the first place when
I know that about myself, right?
 
What I don’t know is “why”.

I’m not a quitter. I don’t truly abandon a project… I keep it around, never really
deciding not to do it. Every moment and every ounce of strength spent on it,
counts forever… is important to me… and is a strong factor in my not abandoning
the project completely.
 
I stuck with my first husband all the way through his illness. 17 months of visiting
him every day, except the 8 days I was out of town. Seeing my tall, strong husband
reduced to an invalid, unable to walk or even sit up in his wheelchair for long...
seeing radiotherapy rob him of his curly blond hair and the sparkle in his blue eyes...
blind enough that he didn’t know if it was jello or pickled beets on his plate...
watching him suffer through disturbing hallucinations...

It wasn’t easy, sitting by his bedside those 17 months, unable to do anything for
him except to just be there. But I did it. Why? Because I wouldn’t THINK of leaving
my husband. I loved him! And I had made a life-long commitment to him, for better
or worse, in sickness and in health. We didn’t know sickness was going to come
only a few months after our wedding.  

An honest look at my life shows me there are MANY examples of times I could
have quit, and even wanted to quit. But I didn't.

Hill says I have three enemies which I must clear out of my mind if I want my
sixth sense to function properly and consistently in my life. Three enemies...
Indecision, Doubt and Fear. INDECISION is the seedling of FEAR... INDECISION
crystalizes into DOUBT... and the two blend and become FEAR. This process can
be slow and gradual, unnoticed by me, and sometimes they remain hidden in my
subconscious where they are difficult to locate and still more difficult to eliminate.

Sounds like a vicious cycle, doesn't it! But it is a cycle I can CHOOSE to end,
any time I want to. How??? By choosing to control my mind rather than letting
it control me!

"The most practical of all methods for controlling the mind is the habit of keeping
it busy with a definite purpose, backed by a definite plan."

The mental cleanse was never intended to be an exercise in perpetual introspection.
There comes a time to stop asking what's wrong with you, and just keep on doing
what you know works. SAY your self talk, STAY close to the fire, DO your daily
activities, and SEND a report of your daily activities to someone you trust who
will hold you accountable.

Thank you, Michael & Linda, and everyone who participates in this mastermind
group! I am so grateful to ALL of you for what you are teaching me.

Willena Flewelling
Alberta Canada